I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
