paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
