why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
