He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
