remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
