a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
