u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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