Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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