ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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