So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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