When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
