what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
