You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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