I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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