And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
