Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
