He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
