I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
