That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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