I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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