he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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