Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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