Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
