i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Still dying that you shit outside
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
