I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
