So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
