he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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