Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
