do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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