fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
