my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
