a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
