mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
