First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
