Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
