aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
