its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
