The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
