dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
