Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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