She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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