as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
