I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
