dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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