Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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