I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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