How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
