My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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