I wanna bring you to show and tell
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
