get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize