If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
