Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
