She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
