Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
