i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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