my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
