So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
