my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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