Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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