It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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