Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize