I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
