Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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