I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
there is puke in my bra ... again
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
