remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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