oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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