i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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