i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
