my phone needs a breathalizer
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
