alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
