How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
