After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
